Some of you that read this may know for many years I lived “in the pursuit of a perfect life“. It seemed an endless road at the time and I never quite got there. Never being quite as ‘happy’ or ‘content’ or ‘Where I wanted in work’ as I hoped I would be ‘when I got there’. Always had my eyes on the road, never on today, in the present, always searching, always wondering, always with a sense of inner unrest and absolutely NO inward calm whats so ever.
In my work I often hear many life reflecting moments from clients, and it usually goes along the lines of “if only I’d done X” or “I Wish things had turned out sucha way” or “If that had of happened I know that ….<insert whatever>”. They then go on to make the presumed conclusion that their world would have gone better or been brighter generally somehow.
This got me thinking. This is a very nice paradigm but lets face it, the probability of that “different life path” being void of life challenges and life shit on occasions is zilch. Zero. Nah. Zip. None. No, it would have just been a different life thats all. There is no such thing as the ‘100% perfect life’ just a ‘happy’ one, which is what the majority of people want right?.
Dictionary Definition of Perfection: ‘The condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects‘ ….
mmh not exactly realistic.
Dictionary definition of Happiness: ‘Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy’
Now this seems more like like it, and we would all feel great to have a life like this right? So, despite live’s little rough patches how do we get this ‘Happy’ life. Well we simply alter our mindset and behave in a certain manner…
“We can get up every day & make the most of where we are right now, accept it, or alternatively decide to change our life path or not. Simple”.
It really is a ‘daily choice’ because since I stopped ‘chasing a perfect life‘ and just started ‘living happy‘ in my daily thoughts & actions, I started making better choices and decisions. Not only that my anxiety and stress levels dropped massively! I’m more contented and calm than I’ve ever been in my life, before all I was doing was chasing, chasing the “feeling” of things being perfect, because I attached this to external sources, people, a car, a holiday, a home or many many “things” over the years. I wasn’t that self aware I guess and it didn’t occur to me to look at my inner calmer, mindset or my thoughts.
Our live is what WE make it, we make conscious & subconscious choices that steer and direct us through our own unique life journey. If something in your life no longer serves you, makes you happy or gives you pleasure then you need to ask yourself what do I need to change to alter how I feel about this?
There are always going to be tough times come our way, Life is not all plain sailing and the rough terrain is all part of it.Challenge’s you have to navigate your way through often make you more emotionally robust (although I believe there can be a tipping point to this too!!). Similar to the post I wrote about getting out of your comfort zone, being challenged in life can also have its benefits in developing us, it can make us less complacent, appreciate more, less stressed in the long run, or take a new life direction if need be, be more grateful and ultimately happier, if we are open enough & allow this.
Many people today often spend too much time worrying on the ‘what if’s’ & ‘has been’s’ instead of being in the present & enjoying what they have. Positive reflection on the past is good. Worrying, regret & guilt of past events or actions is negative and will not serve your future well. The present is where you are right now in this very minute is what truly counts.
What can you do Today:
1). Its ok to feel rubbish about an event or situation you are only human. No need to feel guilty or beat yourself up. This doesn’t mean you need to self-sabatage with food, alcohol or mental torture. Just change one small thing today that will feel positive to you
2). What are you truly grateful for in your life? Think about it and make a short list each day. Who/What today makes you feel good about being alive.
3). Its great to have life goals, but what are your daily, weekly or monthly ‘mini’ achievements that will support you along the say making you feel satisfied as you progress to the big one? See these and Acknowledge them as you go, doing this will help you feel happy with where you are at right now.
4). Be active. Moving your body supports mental health greatly. It gets you fitter helps to reduce stress/anxiety and gives busy minds a positive distraction.
5). Eat quality food. Junk food/processed food affects mood massively. If you want to be happier, more productive & focused then eating smaller regular meals throughout the day will help massively.
Ultimately YOU MAKE the decisions, everything that happens in YOUR life is a direct result of something you have choosen to do, so accountability falls into place here. Don’t like it, alter your OWN path .. Thats the beauty of it we can do this at any point. Become responsible for your own HAPPINESS!!
Make the most of living …